I wish I could treat myself the way my GPS treats me!

Loving yourself as if you were your best friend.

For starters let’s see what the noise and hype about self-esteem really is. 

Self-esteem is a standard of  “success” has everybody trying to get as much of it as they possibly can. 

Self-esteem is a judgment of oneself, of one’s own worth.

The proponents of self-esteem as a measure of success state that in order to have a good dose of self-esteem you have to believe and feel you are indeed very successful. And the way you get there is by measuring yourself against everybody else, by being better than or superior to everybody else. It has gotten so out of hand that you cannot be “average” or “common” or “normal” anymore. To be considered successful, you have to be exceptional.

Because of the perceived importance of good self-esteem, people work hard to achieve it. This makes sense if you believe that as you raise your self-esteem, you raise your value in your own eyes and in the eyes of those who judge you.

This race to be awesome as fast as possible has been captured by a huge industry that promises to deliver big chunks of self-esteem if you buy whatever it is they are selling. It targets the whole gamut of human existence—cosmetics, plastic surgery, cars, housing, vacations, clothing, restaurants, schools, neighborhoods, even special courses and seminars. They all promise to make you feel better about yourself, to raise your value so that you can compete better in this world.

Not even children are spared from learning to be awesome. They play with toys that aim to be role models for the winners in this race, just like Barbie’s boyfriend “totally cool Ken” and other manufactured role models.

I find this self-esteem doctrine that emphasizes your worth quite disruptive and damaging. It’s a recipe for a life riddled with anxiety and frustration that can easily lead to depression or delusional narcissism. 

To learn more visit:  Happiness No Matter What!  The Essential Seven Principles Program for a Happy You

 I would love to hear what you think about the role of self-esteem in today's society and in your own life. 

Love and Light,

Monica

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WHAT IS A MODERN LAZY BUT A LIAR?

Man in Universe - Jeremy Thomas

We have been exploring lying, why we lie and why it is an addiction quite omnipresent in our industrialized societies.  We also talked about the fact that there are all kinds and levels of lies and that although most lies are apparently benign, they are only apparently so. 

All lies leave a mark, a scar in our dignity, in who we think we are and in the way we relate to ourselves and to the rest of the world. 

The liar thinks, or lies to himself into thinking, that he can keep the pretense, but he cannot hide forever.   We all know most of the time when someone is lying.  We feel it, and we don’t like it, we end up resenting the liar.

Sooner or later, lying corrodes all relationships, primarily with yourself and then with all others.

Most people lie without even knowing they are lying, it is their default way of communicating, so they make excuses, give explanations, hide information, twist facts for many reasons but most commonly to save face or to make others believe they are “more” of what they are not, and they even lie to avoid hurting others.  We are “experts” at masking the truth.

I just came across an interesting take on lying: what Seth Godin calls “modern lazy” a 21st Century style of laziness.  He says:

"the old lazy avoided cleaning the garage or doing the dishes or cutting the grass, but that the “modern lazy avoids emotional labor.”  

This modern lazy is a typical modern liar.  It is someone that has sold his soul to the comfort of not being accountable for most anything of true value.  The modern lazy hides behind “non-commitment” and “non-interfering” because he does not want to do the “emotional labor” that committing requires. 

This modern lazy avoids emotional labor.  And what that means is that the modern lazy lacks the courage to question her convictions, lacks the dignity to look at the facts as she sees them, to ask the obvious question because it may result in a painful answer, to be fully present for the other or for a cause that she is pretending to care for, to get involved with what she knows is just, with what can help others, to encourage meaningful conversations and true dialogues instead of arguments, or to face her fears. 

This emotional laziness paints the sorrow picture of a life lived in the darkness of a lie.

If left unchecked it becomes our digital imprint and the sad irrelevant mark we end up leaving behind us in this world.

Modern lazy is not aware of how much he is depriving himself of the riches of life.  He is not present to life in all its colors and textures; he glides over them terrified of losing distance and landing over them.  

Modern lazy chooses to live life in hiding, escaping from contributing to the world.  But what he does not know is that if one day he throws away his mask, he can with his unique and dignified truth enhance the quality of his life and the integrity of his world. 

Love and light,

Monica

Please share your comments below!  I love getting your emails, but if you write your comments here, we can start a conversation going.

If you enjoy this blog, I would love if you'd forward it to your friends, and share in social media....

WE ALL LIE

Why do I lie so much, and why should I care if I lie?

Most of us lie most of the time.  We all tell big lies, little lies, white lies, red and black lies… we tell all kinds of lies.  We don’t think much about all this lying, we seem to think that this lying is like taking a shower, something you do and often.

Yet, lying has profound consequences on how we live, on how we interpret life and on how we relate to our human fellows.  It establishes the color and tenor in all our relationships and in how we connect with ourselves and the world around us.

There are all kinds of lies, from huge lies that can impact our life in profound ways such as denying a crime we have committed, to medium lies like pretending you care when you don’t, to smaller lies like stealing an apple at the grocery store.  But regardless of the size and weight of our lies, they all leave a scar in our integrity, and if left unchecked, in the long run they lead us to a chaotic life. 

To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communications. 

It is a non-very subtle form of betrayal, and it surely corrodes the level of trust between friends. The liar, if she has any awareness of the fact that she is lying, imagines that she is not harming the other person in as long as her lie goes unnoticed.  She will mostly give you long winded or convoluted excuses of why she did what she did to avoid embarrassment, to exaggerate her abilities, to disguise wrongdoing, to spare your feelings, to pretend what she is not, and or to get out of a situation. 

We sometimes become so used to lying and just saying whatever will get us to where we want to be, that we don’t even realize we are lying. 

The deceit of lying becomes so ingrained in our psyches and behavior that many many times, we don’t even know we are lying.   

When I say I will call you back, that I will return your book, that I will check on your email, that I will look into your question, that I did not see you, that I did not have it, and so on, with no real intention of doing it, or truth to back it up, I am deceiving and I am lying to you.   And lying is a breach of trust, and it is damaging to any relationship, not only because of the inherent deceit but also because it implies the arrogant stance of thinking that I am so smart that I can cheat you.

I am not exaggerating the severity and the deep implications that lying has in our life mainly because it corrodes our happiness and our wellbeing.

But the next time, right as you are about to make an excuse, or about to share a belief, or take a stance on a group decision, stop for a moment and check your motivation. Check what is the intention behind your action verbal or not.  Check what is the purpose of your interaction.  Give yourself some space to decide if it is aligned with your integrity, your truth and your desire to connect to what is honest, then, once you decide, proceed with full awareness. 

Ask yourself whether you are about to strengthen your sense of honor, integrity and dignity, or whether you are strengthening  your sense of deceit and dishonor.

Although lying is popular, honesty is the biggest gift we can give others and ourselves.  Once we commit to it and we live by it, it becomes a source of power. 

We need to emulate those wise and compassionate human beings marked by sterling honesty who have made a mark in the history of humanity.  We can do it.  We can start right now by learning to pay attention to what we are doing and thinking and by practicing to become aware of what is our own truth at any given moment.  

We will learn not to compromise our integrity and we will thus allow the best of us to shine through.  We will start a new world!

Love and light,

Monica

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YOU HAVE CROSSED THE BRIDGE. YOU ARE IN NEW TERRITORY. SO WHAT DO YOU DO NOW????

YOU HAVE LEARNED TO MEDITATE.  

YOU MEDITATE DAILY.

YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE.  

YOU ARE IN NEW TERRITORY.

SO…..WHAT DO YOU DO NOW????

You are on the other side of the river.  You have started to acquire a new awareness, a new way of looking at “reality”.  You understand the futile circularity of your thinking process.  You are beginning to discern what is important from what is not important.  You get a glimpse of how much the voice in your head is getting you no-where. 

In a word, your mind is leaner and you are wiser.  You feel a bit happier but you also realize you are becoming a different person.  What was important yesterday is not relevant today, what was drama and hysteria is now an experience to go through, what was judgment and anger are becoming something slightly more subtle.  You realize that you have shed stuff you were familiar with.  Stuff that made you who you thought you were for decades.  You are on the other side of the bridge looking back at that familiar face that is paling little by little. 

And… you panic!  The grass may be greener here but you are not that sure of who you are in this new territory.  You realize that most of what gave you confidence and a sense of belonging is becoming quite irrelevant in this new world. 

You understand that the little you have explored through your meditation practice has given you beautiful moments of deep peace, fragrant whiffs of new ways to love, tentative sharp insights that surprise you, glimpses of kindness that turn you happy.  You know it is the real you in a beautiful land and yet….  so much newness makes you uneasy. The uncertainty of the newness, of the novelty, of the change, is unsettling you.

Paradoxically, you also start noticing a bit of fear creeping into your mind..., the fear that all this growth and newly acquired joy might disappear.  You realize you don’t know how to work with it or what else to do to make it permanent.  

You wish there is something you can do to not only keep your meditation practice strong but also to strengthen your connection to the new You and to your new Life. 

And I believe you are right! You need other tools, techniques that will complement your meditation and will integrate your quiet practice with your active life with a renewed sense of reverence and sacredness. Something else that will deepen the intention you bring to your meditation so that it will permeate all aspects of your life.

There are many many tools:  rituals, devotional chanting, ceremonial participation, retreats, yoga, breathing exercises, etc., all beautiful enhancers of any spiritual path, but I believe that there is one in particular that is absolutely essential to give deep meaning to your spiritual unveiling and growth: PRAYER.   

Prayer is the ultimate “technique” you need in order to navigate the new territory you have started to acquire.  When you learn what it is, what is an authentic prayer, a powerful prayer, and you learn to use it, you will begin to feel its grace pouring over you.  You will know that you have arrived.

In my next posts, we will dive deeply into the realm of prayer.  Stay tuned!

In the meantime, I would love to receive your comments, your questions, suggestions, scrawl down to the comments box, or you can send them to:  info@monicabelizan.com

Love and Light!

Monica

To go into more depth on what to expect when you start to meditate and how to become the happiness you are meant to be, check out my new book:  HAPPINESS NO Matter What!